Feeling partially responsible for the loss of a loved one

August 5, 2010

 I have received emails from people who have suffered the loss of a loved one, who like myself felt partially responsible for their loss.  For me it was the loss of our oldest son Billy, who died while riding his ATV at night hitting a tree, where he died instantly, that was June 26 2004. 

I felt partially responsible because of a dream I had the night our son Billy had his accident.  My dream was that someone in our family died,  I could see the funeral and the people gathering at the funeral.  the dream was so powerful,  that  I awoke very  unsettled and nearly woke up my wife so we could call both of our sons to make sure that they were okay,  but I didn’t wake her, I just passed it off  as it just being a dream, nothing more.  The next day, Sunday at around 10:00 am we received the most heartbreaking and devastating news any parent could ever receive, that one of their children has died.  Of course the dream I had the night before came back into my mind.

Besides everything else going on at the time, in the back of my mind, I was thinking what if I would have woke up my wife, and we did make that call to both of our sons to see if they were okay,  could that have prevented the accident.  That dream and the “what if” stayed with me for some time, it also made me feel partially responsible, because I passed it off as a dream.  I was given the answer to that question about 8 months after Billy crossed over to heaven when we visited Spirit messenger Vicki Monroe.  Billy told us, through Vicki Monroe that there was NOTHING anyone could have said or done that would have changed the event,  that It was time for Billy to go home ” heaven”.  Billy’s work here in the physical life was completed and that it was time to go and for us not to worry,  because he was safe, healthy, happy for he was home and for us to live our lives to the fullest, to be happy.

I just want others to understand, and to those who have sent me those emails,  you should never feel in any way responsible or hold yourself partially responsible for your loss because you think you could have prevented or had something to do with your loss.  Yes, I know it isn’t easy, I’ve been there, I know how difficult it is to get that feeling out of your mind.  There may be countless ways we may feel partially responsible for the loss of our loved one, whether it comes from a dream, sending our loved ones on an errand, insisting they go to some event, work related and so on.  Our loved ones in “heaven” DO NOT want us in any way to feel responsible;  they want us, to always keep moving forward, living our lives to the fullest and to be happy.  Take it one day at a time.  Our loved ones in “heaven” are always close by and have only pure love for us.

Have a great day




2 Responses to “Feeling partially responsible for the loss of a loved one”

  1. Leslie Says:

    Hi Guy-

    I also suffered the loss of my child. My beautiful, 10 year old daughter who lost her life too while riding an ATV. We do blame ourselves, she was just to small to be riding an adult sized 4-wheeler. We could have prevented it. She was only 10 when she died, on 2/25/07…..Her 14th birthday is in just 5 days and I can’t even imagine her as a teenager much less a young lady about to start high school :[ I am not a religious person, so I do not know what to think of all of this…I never was religious. I label myself as agnostic, stuck in between…..not knowing until I die, I suppose?? I have dreams about her that confuse me. Anyway just wanted to send you big hugs from one grieving parent to another…..This week is a rough one for me as are all the birthday’s, holidays. death dates, etc…. You take care.


    Mom To Elizabeth “Busy Lizzy”

    • Hello Leslie

      I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter Elizabeth, only another parent who has suffered the loss of a child can truly understand. I went to your blog and read some of the post about Busy Lizzy, it’s very good. I can see that she lived her life to the fullest. We are not religious either, but we do keep an open mind which has helped us with our loss and the amazing event which began to occur to us about ten months after Billy’s accident. I don’t know if you have visited our website http://www.oursonbilly.com , there you can read our story and view a few pages of the type of signs that we have and continue to receive from Billy. One thing that I have learned is that, you and anyone else in your family must not feel responsible for the loss of your daughter Elizableth, accidents happen. And like we learned from Billy, it was his time to go home ” heaven “. His journey, what he was sent here to learn and do here on earth was completed. Holding ourselves to blame only slows us from moving forward and living our lives to the fullest, which is what our loved ones who have crossed over to “heaven” want us to do. They want us to keep moving forward and live our lives to the fullest. I know it isn’t easy, it has taken me some time to heal and to move forward. It has been 6 years and 5 weeks for us since Billy died. Like you having dreams about Elizabeth, I have dreams about and with Billy and like you I don’t always remember them all and some I don’t understand and some dreams with Billy are full of laughter and fun. I know that your daughter Elizabeth does not want any of you to feel responsible in any way and that she is always close by. Big hugs to you and your family and you can email us anytime.

      Take care Guy http://www.oursonbilly.com

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